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This Is Kanaya Maryams Livejournal
Or It Was But Then It Transformed Into A Dreamwidth When I Wasnt Looking
Im Still Not Entirely Clear On How That Happened

I Have Taken The Courtesy Of Not Speaking In My Blood Color Or The Standard Font To Display Cultural Sensitivity
Though If You Want To Converse In The Fashion To Which I Am Most Accustomed That Would Be Fine
If You Would Like Me Not To Represent My Enunciation Textually That Would Also Be Acceptable Though I Would Prefer Not To All Things Being Equal
It Causes Me Moderate Strain

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[...oh darn it Vriska you're her distraction from him]

...

If -- they're keeping him somewhere else here, when I leave, I would probably want to take him with me to the city. But if they sent him home... We weren't entirely sure we had even been taken from the same timeline; in fact he thought he might be a little further in his than mine was, but I had obviously never been to Carriero there if that was so. I might doom that timeline worse by my presence or his absence -- there's no guarantee it could be worked out.

And then there's the possibility he's simply dead. [Short silent linger; she's settled a little less tangled up in Vriska by this point.]

So, yes, I do want to find him and be with him again if at all possible. He -- is just as important to me as you are. But not more. There's nothing I wouldn't do to be with him again, but...

[AUGH feelings readiness and makeout readiness at the same time are too confusing to maintain; she ends up laying down side by side next to Vriska instead.] I've been trying not to think about how hopeless the whole situation seems, because that would be too ironic. They've been advising me to consider the situation as that of certain knowledge he's gone hive, or that either way he's gone forever. And as much as that hurts rather awfully to have to think, and as much as I hate the thought of abandoning hope with regards to him...

It's a choice between being stuck here with an astronomically narrow chance of that even being something that would help at all in finding him, and what would be a much surer chance of being in the city with you -- and of you getting to be with Hanna again. That's an important consideration too. Not to mention that any far-fetched dimensional transportalization schemes would probably have a higher chance of success in the city, given the greater freedoms and resources, especially considering our native timeline should be equally easy or hard to reach from either dimension...

So. [She reaches down to hold Vriska's hand in a fingers-interlace way. ...and then glances over to the closet.] You know, I really will feel so embarrassed if a quarter-sweep from now it turns out there is a transportaliser hidden in there.

Don't talk about Hanna. Okay?

[she says that immediately, with no hesitation]

I was just asking. I know you loved him and I wanted to do the unselfish thing and remind you that if we got away from here together you'd probably never see him again.

[She does immediately comply to the first request with a second of silence.]

We do still have no idea what our escape from here would look like. For all we know he could actually be the one to arrive for our rescue on a white skyhorse.

And -- [Stumbling over the phrasing, then gives up.] -- It means a lot for you to be unselfish, but I wouldn't want to keep you anchored here waiting for a chance he'd come back to me.

[is that a nautical metaphor]

I don't think I'd let you anchor me, so it's cool.

Yeah.

[Bittersweet handsqueeze.]

Does that make you sad?

Thinking about him at all makes me sad, and I've devoted a lot of energy to doing so as little as possible because it wouldn't accomplish anything. When he had first disappeared - I still hadn't been given that auxiliatrix key, and with the makeup of the asylum at the time, it felt like I had nothing left.

You've been really helpful with that.

... This woman I used to know would talk about how people's paths would cross and then sometimes separate later, and if they did then that meant it wasn't meant to be.

I kind of feel like you're supposed to be my matesprit. Really, really feel like that, actually. But I'm not absolutely positive, so what if I'm wrong?

I've felt like that a couple of times now in Carriero. Sometimes nearly positive; sometimes absolutely. It doesn't seem to have a bearing on whether things work out. All the arbitrary forces in our lives almost seem to push us together with certain people, but then the support vanishes at the last possible moment.

For what it's worth I feel almost exactly the same way as you do on that attribute of our matespritship.

Glad to hear it!

You're talking about Andrea again, aren't you.

[Crossing her arms.] I'm talking about everything that's happened romantically while I've been here. An actual amicable auspisticism arises - the kind that reaches around into pale easily - and everything feels flawlessly fated. Then Andrea turns on us, and Eridan vanishes - and at exactly that moment Gamzee emerges as clearly being in need of some conciliatory force in his life, that nobody else could possibly provide; even though I absolutely can't feel pale for him.

[Turning her head more intently on Vriska.] But now you're here, and I do very dearly love you, and - your presence is one of the foremost things that makes me really happy nowadays, sometimes I think about how there are so many details that added up to things being this way, and it feels like fate again, and I don't know whether I'll come out of my cocoon one morning and discover that something has gone wrong again and we weren't meant to be allowed to stay with each other at all.

[she closes her eyes; sighs]

... Yeah. I know what you mean.

Our lives kind of suck.

[Sighing in agreement]

They do.

How lame would it be to say you're the only good thing in my life right now?

[bittersweetest and sincerest]

I pity you.

It just proves how much this place sucks.

I can't really deny that.

Adstringendum's not a ton better, you know.

[Shrug.]

It's not worse, is it.

Definitely not.

Good. It's. Still a plan then.

[pause

S-so much discussion of feelings wow this is definitely getting a little uncomfortable]

Which part?

The us running away to Adstringendum if we can manage it part.

Right. It's still on.

There or the human planet, anyway.

[That makes her start and tense a little bit -- she hadn't really thought about the possibility of... plain old human dominated Earth

But she manages to relax soon after:] Yeah.

THIS IS A REALLY LONG TAG please lemme know if I got any Ads stuff wrong from what Vriska'd say

it's fine! <3

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CLOSES HER EYE YOU MEAN... HAHA... HA... HA...

... OOPS YES

SHE'S THE APPLE OF HER ONLY EYE... I HAVE TONS OF THESE...

KEEP GOING...

I'M NOT SURE I HAVE ANY MORE, THESE ARE PRETTY PRICELESS... COST ME AN ARM AND AN EYE...

LMFAO

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